When You Hurt Those, You Love
Being in a relationship means that things change and that things happen but when you hurt someone in your relationship that you love, the way that you choose to handle this can change your relationship.
People often want to avoid arguments so that the relationship doesn’t suffer but the truth is that when you avoid arguing it can hurt your relationship more than you realize. When you avoid any kind of conflict because you are afraid of the angry emotions, it can cause you to have scars in your life and not help you to heal. As your relationship progresses, it can cause you to open up these wounds again each time something happens. Even something small can cause a blowup to happen and it can make you feel that you are angry for no reason, but it is really because of the pain that you have hidden over time.
When you have past conflict that you haven’t solved and it has hurt you, it can cause you to feel insecure. When you think of this over time, it can cause you not to trust your partner and to be angry with them for reasons that are beyond your control. When you hurt someone that you care about, they don’t always want to know why you cause them pain and this doesn’t change how you make them feel. Even if you are always telling your partner that you never meant to hurt them, it doesn’t matter because their feelings are already hurt.
When someone loves us and hurts us, it cannot be like it didn’t happen. You might not understand the actions that hurt your partner, or you might not understand why it hurt them like it did, and you might try to get them to ignore their feelings by telling them to calm down or telling them how much they are overreacting.
When you try to stop a fight this way, it will leave your partner feeling even worse. Conflict that is not solved will cause your partner to be upset and they will feel that you don’t care about their feelings.
How to Heal from Conflict
Conflict is a way that you can learn about your partner, and you can make your relationship stronger. Even though this doesn’t sound like it would make your relationship stronger, the truth is that when couples have fights or conflicts, and they figure out how to solve them together then it helps them to build trust with each other. Some relationships will be the strongest after they have resolved conflict and have grown their trust.
Solving conflict together shows that you have respect for your partner, and you care about what is going on in their world. Even though this might be hard, some people have to really learn to understand and respect their partners feelings. They have to learn to accept that their partner might over react but still love them anyways. Here are some ways that you can make your relationship better after conflict:
Repairing the Relationship
You need to make sure that you have trust in your relationship, and this can happen when you choose to repair something that seems broken.
What to Do After Hurting Someone You Love
When you hurt your partner, it will cause them to become insecure and this feeling can come back at any time. You cannot choose to bury your partners feelings, but you have to learn to support them and to love them through their hard emotions. Once you know hat you have hurt someone, you need to try to repair the relationship right away and learn to embrace your partners pain and work through it, even if it makes you uncomfortable.
Looking at Emotions
When you hurt a person in your life that you love, you might want to try to fix the problem right away so that you can move past it. Even though this might make you feel better, it can cause your partner to have more harm because you are not letting them express their feelings and heal.
You have to learn to be uncomfortable and listen to your partners feelings and let them tell you how they feel without trying to just repair it. Let them talk even if they repeat themselves and learn to show them that you love and respect them even after you have hurt them.
No one wants to cause their partner to hurt and sometimes the conflict that you get tangled in can happen when you have their feelings in mind. These kinds of conflicts such as miscommunication can be frustrating for you and your partner. You might even feel that you have done nothing that should have caused your partner to be upset. This can cause you to fight and cause you to disagree. You have to get to the point where you agree that your partner has feelings and even if you felt that you did nothing wrong, you need to learn to solve the conflict together and see it from their point of view.
The biggest problem in communication is that one person will think they communicated while the other doesn’t feel that communication happened. When one partner is trying to get their point across, you are not communicating because only one is talking and not doing any listening. You have to learn to talk less and listen more.
If you hurt your partner, you have probably apologized to them for hurting them and promised to never do it again. Even though apologizes are necessary, they cannot help your relationship grow if you don’t learn to understand why your partner is upset. Just by apologizing it doesn’t make everything over. You have to take time to understand what your partner is upset about, talk about it, and let them validate their feelings. Let them tell you what emotions and thoughts that they are having and learn to respect them. Let them clear their feelings and have peace. Even though this might hurt you, it allows your partner time to heal.
By looking at things from their point of view and by communicating with them, you can resolve almost any conflict that you have had.
Don’t Be Defensive
One of the biggest problems with conflict is defensiveness. This can cause you to become defensive when your partner tells you that you have hurt them. If you are not willing to listen to them or how they feel, it will cause you to have a wall between you that will not let your bond grow.
You have to fix your partner by being vulnerable when there is a conflict. You need to take time to pause and let your partner tell you how they are feeling without having something to say right back at them. Let your partner tell you how he or she feels after an argument. When you show that you will listen and that you will let your partner talk without being defensive then it can help them to heal faster.
Empathy and Support
If you hurt your partner and their feelings are repairing, you need to learn to stop trying to fix tings and let them show their pain. You need to support their feelings and show empathy to them. You need to take time to listen to your partners feelings and let them rebuild their love for you.
Seeking Outside Help
If you are in a situation where you are not able to resolve conflict with your partner, chances are that you need to seek outside counseling. Sometimes people in a relationship have too many insecurities to move past the pain and heal. If this happens, there are couple therapists that can help you to work together and work through your conflicts. This can help you to be supported and help you to learn to listen and communicate with your partner even when times are hard.