Love give and take

Love give and take

It is always said that all relationships are made of compromise and of give and take. If this is true, how much should each partner give?  Is there any good way to guarantee balance? And what is a good balance?

Experts in dating and relationships say that a 60/40 ratio is best. This means that you put in 60 percent while your partner puts in 40. If this is good, why not 50/50? This is because no one is perfect and everyone has an off day. If you have an off day, you are not going to be able to give 50 all of the time.

Love is not an absolute, and the 60/40 allows for imperfections.  And, if your focus on giving more than receiving, your love is more likely to flourish.

Another set of numbers that is often used is the 5:1. This is, essentially, five good interactions to one negative. Positive doesn’t mean huge, grand gestures. Positivity manifests in the small moments. It can be a simple, “Good morning!” in a positive tone.  When your partner responds in a like tone, this is a good interaction. Ignoring or responding negatively is considered an attack.  This can actually lead to an imbalance in a relationship, because it can create a quid pro quo situation.  This is why it is important to have more positive than negative moments on your side of the equation.

This is exactly why the 50/50 relationship is problematic. When you focus on balance, you are spending too much valuable energy and not on the relationship itself, especially when you grow to expect 50 percent all of the time. People are not infallible; what happens if someone gets sick or has to be away for a while and they are not around to give their 50 percent?

If you put positivity and respect into your relationship, you will be in a better mindset to help you relationship flourish.  Be responsive to your  partner at least 85 percent of the time. This creates a good environment for your romance.  Both partners need to invest their time and energy into the relationship, but don’t focus on who gave more on which day.

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