You can ask what a relationship means to both of you whenever the answer would affect a choice you’re making. The people who shared their dating stories here brought it up at different points. Some wanted clarity early and others needed time to see how the relationship felt.
On this page
What early clarity looked like
One reader said she and the person she met spent every evening together for two weeks and then asked each other, “We are together, right?” They were still together two years later when she shared the story. Another reader preferred to talk about exclusivity early so they could each make informed choices about dating other people.
What waiting gave some people time to consider
One reader was finishing college and expected to move. The person she was dating brought up the relationship within a month. She needed a couple more months to decide what she wanted after graduation. Another agreed to monogamy after a month and waited several months before using partner labels.
Ask for a specific agreement
Another reader thought she was in a relationship after seeing someone for six months and meeting his friends. He introduced her as a friend and she learned he was still dating other people. If a similar question affects your choices, try, “Are we still dating other people?” or “How would you like us to introduce each other?” You can ask about one agreement at a time.
Decide what works for you
Listen to the answer and say what you’re looking for. If one person wants exclusivity and the other wants more time, decide whether the current arrangement is workable for you. You can also agree on when to revisit it. A label can be meaningful when both people understand the commitments they are making.